We get it, Grindr can be a gay mans heaven or a not-so-fun mystery, usually all in one day. Just know you are not alone. Navigating the app and how to set up your profiles to get a guy to like you doesn’t always seem straightforward. You might even have the hots for someone you aren’t getting enough attention from (how dare they!).
We have some tools, tricks and tips of the trade. We’ve seen it all – the good, the bad, the ugly as well as the hot and healthy. We both have had exceptional experiences on Grindr, where online strangers turned lover or friend. It’s more than possible.
The Ugly Side of Grindr
Let’s get this part out of the way. No, not everyone has good Grindr etiquette. For example, it’s not unusual to have that blank profile message you ‘hey’ 25 times in a row over the course of the month. People also catfish. It happens all over the internet, unfortunately. To avoid this, ask to video chat before meeting (easy fix).
Some people don’t have any pictures or descriptions of themselves, which can feel frustrating, but you never know why they might feel the need or desire to stay anonymous. We have met some really surprisingly hot and interesting folks emerge from these situations. Take a chance if you are feeling bold!
Finally, some folks don’t take rejection well. They might get angry and nasty over text, but hey, if that’s the case – shrug it off and be glad you never met up with them!
How To Attract a Guy on Grindr
Be you! The best way to attract guys on Grindr and get them to like you, is to be yourself. It’s almost too obvious but everyone is looking for something special and unique and that something might be you. The more authentic you are, the more likely you are to attract someone looking for you – as you! No games.
You might have to sit down and reflect on yourself before creating your Grindr profile to get the most out of your expression. Consider how your best friend might describe you to someone else. Write that bio. If you end up really stuck, ask that best friend to help and make it a fun activity. Include what you think makes you interesting: your hobbies, your interests, your personality.
Yes, be honest but also keep it light and fun. Humor goes a long way. It doesn’t need to be long winded. Allow some mystery and a sense of humility shine through (wink wink). Try to spark enough interest in your reader for them to want to get to know more about you.
Getting The Looks on Grindr
After all that, be yourself pep-talk, it’s time for honesty. Your bio isn’t going to be read if your pictures aren’t speaking a thousand and one words. And while that’s not entirely true, as people with zero profile pics can get exactly what they are looking for, pictures sure do help – a lot. Try to continue that self expression and be honest through your pictures.
Have a variety of good quality pictures. Offer guys on Grindr the opportunity to see you in different places and from different angles. Put yourself and personality on display, your life is a work of art after all. If you like hiking, show a picture of you on your favorite trail. If you only hike once every year, but you are out at the club every Friday, show a club picture. Be real.
People usually look best in candid pictures, so you might want to ask a friend to help you out and snap some pics of you while you do your favorite things. People often start by looking at your pictures on your profile, if they like what they see, they are more likely to scroll down to your bio and check out your profile for more information.
Preferably no bathroom, blurry, or old pictures – these are just good rules of thumb.
What Are Your Goals on Grindr?
Clearly state your expectations. Are you looking to date, have no-strings-attached hook-ups, or are you just interested in friendly chatting? If you are not sure yet what you are looking for, say that. It’s better to be upfront, even if it’s just knowing you don’t know. Guys are attracted to people who know what they want. This is the easiest way to manage expectations and attract the right hotties.
Your goals and your pictures should also match or at least have a similar tone. This helps to attract the right people on Grindr. For example, if you are looking for mostly hook-ups, then we can recommend a certain level of spiciness. It will be very beneficial for you to show some skin and flaunt what you’ve got.
If you are looking to date, then showing a bunch of habanero-hot photos might give mixed messages. You’re still welcome to do this but it might fill your dm’s with guys that like you but aren’t looking for the same thing. Just be aware of this. Learn how to build up the conversation to have land a successful first date with my post “Gay First Date Conversation Topics“
Don’t do this – Bad Grindr Etiquette
Don’t have a list of things you don’t like. It’s unattractive and makes you seem like a pessimistic person. Exceptions to this rule are: no drugs, no smoking, or no unsafe sex. But stay away from writing in your profile things like: no feminine guys, no asians, or no time-wasters. It’s not very considerate.
These types of lists are different from having your expectations and goals up front on your bio. These things may be important deal breakers to you and that’s fine, but they can greatly hurt people. You don’t need to post them on your profile, just don’t engage with these folks on the app. A positive open minded person is always more attractive, so try to be one as much as possible.
Should I Link My Instagram To My Grindr?
If you have an interesting Instagram and keep it updated, I say go for it. Adding your Instagram to your Grindr profile benefits your profile in many ways. For one, it verifies you. It gives you more credibility and reduces the ‘catfish’ possibility. Anyone can create a Grindr profile in like, five minutes, but Instagram shows longevity.
More importantly, it allows you to showcase more about who you are and what you like. People can check out your posts, stories, and get a better grasp of who you are. It allows for your personality to shine through a bit more.
Connecting your Instagram account might not be everyones cup of tea and that’s ok. It would indeed make you a bit more vulnerable (especially if you use your real name on your Instagram). However, you can change your Instagram bio to not include your full name if that makes you feel better.
Once The Guys Are In Your DM’s
Now that you have an accurate, full-of-personality profile with some amazing pics of you living your best life, people will be in your dm’s. Once you are chatting with someone, your foot is in the door. It’s best to keep it light and cheerful and to use humor in your chatting. Ask open ended questions and engage in small talk until you feel comfortable to ask what the person is looking for.
It’s hard to pinpoint how to best navigate through a chat with someone, because there are many factors in play in every scenario. It depends what you are looking for and what the other person is looking for.
Read the chemistry. Sometimes the person you see on Grindr isn’t interested in you, and that is okay. Sometimes you won’t be interested in the other people on the line and that’s ok too.
We all have our own preferences and type that we are into. Reaching out to someone you are attracted to is always worth giving a shot, but it’s also important to know when it’s time to give up. If the conversation over chat seems one-sided or if you don’t get a reply after your second or third “hey sexy” without a reply back– it might be a good idea to let it go and continue your man-hunt journey.
In Conclusion – Stay Flirty!
The best bet you have of getting a guy to like you on Grindr hinges on you being yourself. Put yourself out there! Show off your personality, hobbies and lifestyle through your photos. Have an open minded, and reflective bio. Be bold and connect your Instagram.
Have fun in the dm’s, keep it light and cheeky. Read the situation and express your interests. Note if you feel you’ve lost interest and be honest, stay open to the fact that someone else might lose interest too. Keep putting yourself out there and enjoy flirting! You never know what might come from it.
