How To Get Hit On At A Gay Bar

Going to a gay bar is fun, fun, fun! Especially when you are in the mood to flirt, meet some hotties and exchange sexy vibes. Maybe you’ll even get hit on, maybe you’ll hit on someone. Maybe you get someone’s phone number or Instagram. Maybe you’ll share a kiss with a hot guy. Maybe you’ll even end up spending the night with someone! Hello possibilities!

Walking into a gay bar for the first time can be a bit intimidating, especially if you’ve never gone before. You might be curious, will things be different from the other clubs and bars I’ve visited? How do I flirt and or pick someone up? What’s the best way to dress so I don’t stand out (or do stand out in the way that I want). What are some ways to show that I’m approachable? What if I want to ask for someone’s number? Lots of questions could be buzzing around your head. 

To get hit on at a gay bar, dress the part, look confident and be approachable. Make eye contact, smile, flirt and know how to take a hint (both the yes and no hints).  Most importantly; focus on having fun – that is genuinely the best way to attract someone!

In this article I will cover all the tips and tricks to make your night at a gay bar successful. 

Be the life-loving person at the gay bar!

Pregaming (Getting in The Mood)

The best kind of night is one where anything can happen. This means, making sure that your house is clean and tidy. You never know, you might end up bringing home a hot date. What you don’t want is to not be able to bring them home due to the status of your house. So leave all doors open (metaphorically). (For more tips on how to prepare for someone to come over for a hot date, check out my article about hookup etiquette!)

Your house is not the only thing you should tidy. You should also take care of physical appearance. This might mean taking a nice, hot bath, or enjoying a relaxing shower while listening to your favorite jams. 

Brush your teeth and groom yourself. A nice cologne is optional but be careful not to apply too much where it would be overpowering. Instead keep it subtle and sexy. Optionally, getting a haircut a day or two before going can do wonders for a night out. It boosts confidence and makes you look on point.  

Emotionally, you should also take care of your energy, leaving any frustration and stress at home. People subconsciously pick up on negative energy. Nights where you feel good inside– you radiate– and people draw to this vibe like moths to a flame. A happy confident person is always attractive. 

Do what you need to do to put yourself in a good mood before leaving the house. This could mean watching some comedic videos, talking to your friends, or dancing around the house to your favorite jams. Whatever it takes to put you in a good mood, find your festive and positive attitude before leaving the house. 

Taking care of your appearance doesn’t just make you more on point, it also boosts your confidence!

Looking The Part – Gay Bar Edition

The way you dress can help you get hit on, but it by no means is an end-all be-all. I’ve seen people in questionable outfits get plenty of attention because of their attitude and charmes, while other folks dressed to the nines who were unapproachable and no fun. It all depends on your level of confidence. 

Put on your favourite outfit that makes you feel confident. I recommend wearing a statement piece that people can compliment you on (shoes, watch, a fun shirt, or fancy pants). While a basic black tee might be slimming, it doesn’t showcase creativity and lacks character. Don’t be afraid to show some skin or muscle if you have them! *Tip: Don’t go in a wifebeater or muscle shirt, but don’t be afraid to wear something that accentuates your arms and chest.

Make sure that whatever you are wearing is looking fire, aka not wrinkly. Press or steam your shirt and pants if they need that attention to detail. If you are deciding which shoes to wear, try picking ones that add a little height. Boots or running sneakers (with the raised heel for running) easily add 1 or 2 inches to your height and feeling a bit taller boost confidence

Be Approachable To Your Fellow Gays!

Having an approachable energy gives other guys confidence to interact with you. Some people, when uncomfortable or insecure, subconsciously tend to send off negative and unapproachable energy. It’s an energetic exchange but you can do plenty of things to be more approachable. 

Smile. This one is huge. You will look like you are having a good time, loving life and open to meeting new connections. The lips do a lot of talking but it’s really in the eyes. Eyes, eyes, eyes. Make eye contact with people. Don’t stare at the floor or your feet, look up and be present by looking at the people around you. 

Keep an open and comfortable stance. This means having good posture, straight back, and keeping your arms uncrossed. Face people with your body and feet when talking to them. Avoid fidgeting and looking nervous (shifting your feet a lot). Do not be staring at your phone. 

If you are someone who has been told looks intimidating, there are a few tricks. I get told this often because of my height. I didn’t even realize how intimidating someone taller than you can be until I chatted with someone way taller than myself. You can work on looking friendlier by smiling a lot, relaxing your face, and making sure you don’t hide your eyes. Do this by leaning back, angling your face up so your eyebrows don’t cast shadows over your eyes. 

Emote while having a conversation. For example, laugh a bit more obviously when someone tells something funny, look a bit more surprised when someone says something surprising and be a little more seductive than you think you should be. Not showing emotions in your face makes you look mysterious and less approachable.

You are automatically less approachable if with a big group of friends. Don’t be afraid to leave your group and have a little walk around. Look who else is around and give people the chance to approach you privately. You can also approach people who are solo. 

Going to the bar with a group of friends is fun, but going solo for a bit can get you into a lot of adventure!

Flirt Away, Be Yourself

It’s important to be yourself at all times. This is flirting 101, you don’t want to be a different person when you flirt but you can lean into the flirty part of you. Don’t be afraid to approach people yourself, especially if you’ve locked eyes a couple of times! 

You don’t necessarily have to start a full conversation if you don’t feel confident enough to do so. A simple walk-by is great – compliment them or say hi with a smile to show them that you are interested. If you start a conversation with someone, whether you are the one approaching or the approached, try to keep the conversation happy and light.

Start by introducing yourself. “Hi! My name is…” or “Hi, you are cute! What’s your name?” Give them a compliment. Something about their outfit, their appearance, or their dance moves. Try to be genuine and comment on something you actually like about them (but don’t be a creep haha). 

If the person does seem to be interested in having a conversation, make sure to stay flirtatious throughout. Instead of asking, “What are you in town for?” You can say something like, “So what’s a handsome guy like you in town for”? If this is going well and the other person seems interested and you are ready to make a bolder move, put your hand on their shoulder and offer to buy them a drink. *Make sure they haven’t a complete full drink at the time you ask them.

What To Do On The Dance Floor

At a loud and busy bar or nightclub, the dance floor is the best place to meet new people. It’s great because you don’t have to worry about too much conversation. It’s all about eye contact, smiles, moving closer together, dancing with one another and sharing energy. 

You don’t need to worry about being a great dancer as long as you are enjoying yourself and feeling the music then you are dancing! Confidence is key on the dance floor.

The dance floor is a great place for touch and touch is a really good way to show that you are interested in someone. I’ve seen many strangers fall in love with each other on the dance floor by simply dancing together and then touching and kissing. Let your body speak for you!

No Catch This Time? Maybe Next Time!

We’ve all experienced a mismatch of chemistry. Sometimes the person simply isn’t interested. That is totally fine. If you don’t shoot your shot, you will never know. Try to shoot your shot before you need the bravery to shoot it. This just means following your impulses when you get them without thinking too much– should I do this? Should I not do this? Just do it. 

Don’t be sour about a mismatch. Rejection is tough but it’s just the universe redirecting. Remember that rejection has nothing to do with you, but the other person. Maybe you remind them of your ex or they just had a tough day or are in a monogamous relationship. 

Keep your positive attitude and flirtatiousness with others after rejection. It keeps you chatting with new people and keeps you in the loop. It shows to other people at the bar that you are interested in being approached and approaching. 


Getting hit on at a gay bar is all about confidence, good vibes and enjoying yourself. Feel the music, find a groove, go out in a good mood. Approach others and use body language that is open to be approached. Get on the dance floor to feel on someone else. Get hit on and hit on someone at the gay bar. Jump on in, the water is fine!

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