Grindr Hookup Etiquette

So you have chatted on the apps and have a Grindr hookup planned– lucky you and lucky them! Everyone deserves a sexy hookup and the more you know, the better it will go, so let’s dive right in. 

Moving from screen to meeting up can feel especially exciting when it comes to a Grindr hook-up. The potential for a sexy encounter is high, but that can also make it a little nerve-wracking. Especially if it’s your first time. 

In this article I will run through what to expect and how to prepare in order to make it as smooth as possible. I’ll give you some Grindr hookup etiquette bonus point ideas and tell you some things to avoid. We will also cover safety and health as it is very important. 

Before we get into the nitty gritty, the most important thing is for you to be yourself. Anything can happen when you meet up with a stranger. Even if there is general Grindr hookup etiquette and ideas for best manners, be authentic and trust your instincts (unless your instinct is to have unprotected sex without consent). Basically, be respectful of others and be true to yourself, take all advice with a grain of salt, even coming from me. 

The Common Types of Grindr Hookups

While there are lots of different hookups that can occur over the Grindr app, there are a handful that are the most common. From many years of use and lots of friends on the app, the majority of hookups start and end at the house. Once you are there, it usually goes one of three ways.

When you enter the house, you can immediately start kissing or touching. This is a fast burn and we love to see it! You can just say, ‘Hi, it’s so nice to meet you,” and immediately go in for a quick kiss. You can keep holding them or let your fingers linger on their body as a way to start things off with heat. 

The other most common way that hookups start are from casual conversation on the couch with a drink. On the couch, one or both can make a move by touching or kissing. Then you will move to the bedroom. This is also a very sensual way to get to know someone a little better before the sexiness begins. 

Finally, the Netflix and chill hookup. This is great for people who want to spend a little more time warming up to the other person. You can begin watching a movie while having a drink. Maybe you cuddle for a bit, then during the movie start touching and kissing.

Don’t be afraid to take the time to feel comfortable.

Leading Up To The Grindr Hookup

Now let’s back up a little bit now that you have a teaser of what to expect. Before you meet up, there are some tried and true methods to make sure things go smoothly. First, ask for more photos of the person. Don’t just go off 1 or 2 pics, especially when they look pixelated or old. I’ve seen people on my Grindr grid in my hometown who are still using pics from 10+ years ago. So it’s always good to ask for a selfie or to ask for a few more recent photos. 

If you decide to meet up for a hookup, talk about the general intention. Did you guys agree on a Netflix and chill night, or a hookup? And with Netflix and chill it can be a little bit awkward because it can really mean just watching a t.v. or wink-wink something else. So if you are trying to be coy I would text ‘Netflix and chill ?? or Netflix and chill ??’ to be sure. 

It is also very helpful to find out beforehand if the person is a top, bottom, or vers. Ask what they are into and prepare accordingly. Share your sexual health history and if you are on PreP and ask them the same. If it is your first time hooking up over Grindr, or first time in general, it might be nice to let the person know. 

Preparing For The Hookup

Make sure you’re showered and are clean. This is just good manners and way sexier. It’s also nice to wear something you feel good or sensual in, such as a jockstrap or a nice pair of underwear. If you don’t have something like this, that’s fine, just don’t wear your yellow stained underwear with holes. Wear the good stuff (you know this!)

Pro tip: wear easy-to-remove-clothing. Trying to take off tight skinny jeans while your hookup is watching is not going to be your finest moment. 

If you are at the bottom, bring a little bottle of lube. You don’t want to be disappointed if the host doesn’t have it. Plus when you bring lube, you get to use your favorite kind. If having safe sex is important to you, bring a condom or three, just in case the other doesn’t have it or just ran out. 

If you are on your way to someone’s house for the first time and you are a little unsure about the conditions, send your friend their address on your way. This will ease your mind and make things even safer for you.  

If You Are Hosting The Hookup: Grindr Host Etiquette 

If you are hosting there are some general manners and Grindr hookup etiquette you can follow. The most important is that no matter you sexual preferences (bottom, top or enjoy unsafe sex), you should always have lube and condoms. This is just proper etiquette.

As for your house, make sure to do the dishes and generally tidy up. Things don’t need to be sparkling clean, but you are having someone over so act accordingly. It’s always nice when you have beer, soda or something to offer in terms of beverages when they arrive. 

Play some chill music in the background as music is very soothing and much more inviting than a quiet house. Have a clean bed and make sure it’s made. Tidy the bathroom and clean the toilet– no stains. Finally, brush your teeth!

Clean your house before hosting a Grindr hookup. You don’t want to be “that guy with the dirty house”.

The Build Up During Your Hookup

Before the sexiness begins there are some do’s and don’ts when it comes to building up tension and enjoying the moments before diving into the hookup 


Offer and accept a drink

The host should always offer a drink and the guest should always accept a drink. This isn’t Grindr hookup etiquette, this is just etiquette. Both parties will feel more relaxed having engaged in this exchange. If you don’t want a drink or don’t like the drink, you don’t need to finish it. It’s not about the drink, it’s about the exchange. Remember, not everyone wants to immediately jump into bed.

Sit close to one another

If you have some small talk on the couch, make sure you sit next to each other. This will make it easier to make a move. If you need help with small talk, check out my article here on first date conversations

Play music

Have some music playing in the background. Chill lounge music, some fun house music, or top 100 are all good and easy options. Try to stay away from “romantic” music, as that can give off the wrong tone. It is a hookup after all, not necessarily the start of a big romance. 

Make a move

Once you are ready to hookup or run out of small talk, make a move. Put your hand on their knee or wrap your arm around their shoulder and lean in for the kiss. If the other person is a bit uncomfortable when doing that, make sure to ask if that’s alright. Read the body language and don’t push it if you see that the other person is uncomfortable.


No distractions

Don’t have the tv playing in the background because it is distracting and makes it too easy for people to disengage. This is unless you decided beforehand to have a Netflix and chill kind of hookup. Put your phone on silent and don’t be glued to your phone when trying to connect, it’s rude. 

No negative vibes

Don’t talk about exes or dating or negative things like Donald Trump or the climate crisis. Yes, they are real, but generally not topics that make people want to have fun, sexy sex. 

Create a nice vibe and sit close to each other.

Grindr Hookup: Getting Hot and Sweaty

When you are in the moment, things can move fast but remember to enjoy yourself, check in on the other person and stay present. 


Talk about safe/unsafe sex

Once things get going, make sure to bring up that you want to have safe sex before you get too far into the “going.” The longer you wait to bring that up, the harder it will be to bring it up.

Ask what they like

Ask before doing things that are a bit more preferential. For example, ask them if they like their nipples played with. Ask if you can give them a hickey or love bite. Ask them about their favourite position. In general, the more you ask the more you can give each other pleasure. 

Everyone cums 

Help to make the other person cum. If it’s hard, ask them what they can do to make them cum. You are not a straight guy! 


Don’t say I love you

It is never hot to say ‘i love you’ during a hookup. You might be super into the guy (that’s amazing) and find the situation very hot, but bringing those three words up can make it very awkward. Instead you can say, “I love your [body part,]” or “I am loving this!” 

Maybe don’t use certain names or words

Don’t suddenly start calling someone daddy, son or slut during sex. This is unless they explicitly told you or gave you signs during texting or in the conversation that it was ok with them. Additionally, don’t call an asshole a “bussy” or “manpussy.” Generally speaking, most people are not into that. 

Having a fun Grindr hookup all comes down to having the right expectations.

After You Are Finished Your Hookup

After everyone has had a delightful time, bask in the moment (but not for too long). Follow these do’s and don’t for after. 


Clean up

Give them a fresh clean towel and help clean up the after sex. If you want, you can offer to let your hookup shower. Give them everything they need for this. 

Use your body language

If you are hosting and want your hookup to leave, make sure to use your body language. Stay standing and ask them what they are up to for the rest of the day. If they still don’t get the message, start putting on your shoes and talk about needing to run to the store or a friend’s place. You can also go to your bathroom and set your timer for one minute. When the alarm goes off, tell them that you have to go do [XYZ] and that it was really nice to meet them and you had a fun time.


Don’t Overstay

Don’t stay after you are done. Don’t keep laying in bed when you are finished, especially if it is not your house and the host is out of bed. A minute or two is fine, but don’t make it awkward.

The best Grindr hookup etiquette is to make your way out. This is unless your hookup offers you a drink or invites you to stay. 

Don’t leave anything behind

Don’t forget things. Make sure you have everything before leaving their place, or make sure your hookup has everything before they leave. You don’t want to have that annoying guest who needs to return. It’s just generally a bore and annoying to manage these logistics. 

Grindr Hookups: Safety and Health

Health and safety come first. There are ways to make sure you feel safe and remain safe during a Grindr hookup and there can be an etiquette to this. However, your safety is of the utmost importance, so when it comes to that, take care of yourself first. 

Before you meet up, you can ask for recent pictures (as suggested before) you can also ask for their Instagram to see if they are catfishing and if they are a real person. Another way to gain extra validation is to ask for a phone number.

If you are nervous, meet in a public place first. This is a great way to see how you are feeling about the person as well. This can be especially good if it’s your first time. This way, if you don’t feel the connection, you can leave the situation a bit easier. 

If you are at their house or they are at yours and you don’t feel the connection, don’t be afraid to say no to sex. It’s hard and a lot of people can’t say no and feel committed to continuing but you should follow your instincts and you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. A good way to say “no” is to say that you are not ready yet and that you are not sure that you can do it today.

Sexual Health is Important

HIV is preventable and treatable. For best practices get tested every 3-6 months. Get on PreP, as it is a great pre-exposure pill for gay man available in many states and countries. It is usually free or cheap and could save you a lot of stress, it is something you should absolutely be considering if you are going to be casually hooking up. 

In general, always use a lot of lube, it makes everything more enjoyable and safer. If you are on PreP and the condom breaks or you had unsafe sex with someone who’s status is unknown, you can get a post exposure HIV pill from a local clinic or men’s center. Remember, someone who is HIV positive and undetectable, taking their meds every day and having an undetectable viral load, cannot transmit HIV. 


Grindr hookup etiquette is a lot of common sense, having manners and respecting the person you are hooking up with. Trust your instincts and be yourself. Look after your sexual health and safety first. Lean into the experiences, take everyone for who they are and have fun experimenting with your body and theirs. 

The most important thing about a hookup is that you feel sexually liberated, sovereign and are having fun! Enjoy it! 

2 thoughts on “Grindr Hookup Etiquette”

  1. Awesome article, everything I needed to know. “Lean into the experiences and take everyone for who they are” great advice, but I wish this was expanded upon. How do you lean into an experience/hookup?

    • Hello Sid! I appreciate your comment. When I mention “leaning into the experiences,” I’m referring to approaching them with an open and non-judgmental mindset. It’s important to recognize that each person is unique, resulting in different sexual encounters. Many individuals tend to stick to familiar patterns and approaches when hooking up. However, it can be refreshing to allow the other person to take the lead or take the lead yourself. Embracing spontaneity can bring excitement and provide an opportunity to learn new things in the sheets.


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