How To Ask Someone To Be Your Gay Boyfriend

If you have come to this article for advice on how to ask someone to be your gay boyfriend you are falling for someone and therefore, I am deeply envious of you (as is everyone else). Falling in love is about the best thing in the world so just take a deep breath and be grateful for this heart you have! Love! Glorious. Ok also, love, terrifying!

You might want to ask someone to be your gay boyfriend, wow, a very exciting stage that can lead to a beautiful relationship and loving future. Before we get into all the details: are you ready, is the timing right and how do you do it, just remember this relationship is YOURS and that means you don’t have to label your relationship for it to be a long-lasting, evolving and committed partnership. Some people date for years without calling their gay partner their boyfriend. But if you want to ask some to be your gay boyfriend, hurray, now consider these things first.  

Is it Time to Become Boyfriends? 

Every situation is different and there are no hard and fast rules to follow when it comes to asking someone to be your boyfriend. In the gay community, dating usually follows an interesting formula. First base typically starts with steamy hot sexy-sex which then if the chemistry is good and it keeps going leads to 2nd base which is actually hanging out in day light and kissing outside of sex. This is often when you might hit 3rd base, where you go on your “real” first date, which eventually leads to the gay dating home run, also known as deleting Grindr (lol, love this for us!). 

While this timeline has been true for many of our gay friends, obviously many versions of it exist. Some people fall in love at first fuck and decide to stay together from that day forward, where as other people will date for years before ever labeling their relationship (or at all). So, timing is basically up to you and the relationship you have created with someone. 

If you were asking for my opinion, I would suggest at least going on a few real dates outside of sex and hanging out during the day before considering being boyfriend- boyfriend. Bonus points if you’ve met their friends or spent time doing hobbies or the such together. 

Almost Time, Keep Communication Open

Maybe you are on the fence. Is it time? Or do I just want to see how the other person is feeling? It might just be time to get some clarity on where the relationship stands and get a little more serious, without being boyfriends yet. Or maybe you sense that they want to be a bit more serious, but you are not quite ready to commit. 

Ask away. Don’t be shy. You can ask if they are dating or seeing anyone else right now. If they say yes, don’t be afraid to ask questions about the situation and what they are looking for. Ask how many people they are seeing and how often. Ask about their emotional capacity and what their feelings are towards you. 

Remember that you can be boyfriends and still have sex outside of the relationship (often called an open relationship. If you want to have multiple boyfriends, look into polyamory where you can love or date multiple partners. All of this just depends on what you want and arrange with the person you are seeing and what the expectations are of the “boyfriends” label. Communicate openly and without judgement.

Check Yourself

We need to have this heart to heart real quick before you commit to someone being your gay boyfriend. Changes are that you have rose colored classes on right now and I don’t want you to take them off, but let’s do a check-in before you ignore red flags (in your special someone or yourself).

Let’s be rational – for just a second– are there any red flags that you haven’t told your friends or are too scared to tell your friends because of what they might say? Are there things about this person that make you uncomfortable and you think that by dating them they will change? Hint: they won’t. If you are thinking that YOU will change if you are someone’s boyfriend, double hint: you won’t. If you are having trouble committing now, being a boyfriend won’t change that. Some things will change, for sure, but mostly it will be a continuation of what you have going now. Is that thing good or do you keep waiting for it to get better? 

Are you ready to be in a committed relationship? How does making plans with them for the next season feel? How do you feel about them meeting your friends? Asking someone to be your boyfriend doesn’t automatically mean it will be a forever thing, but it is generally positive if you want to continue spending time with them in the near and not so near future. 

Make sure your feeling of wanting to become boyfriends is authentic and not pressured by parents or external factors like wanting to be in a serious relationship or wanting a first gay boyfriend.

Romantic Ways to Ask Someone To Be Your Gay Boyfriend

There are many ways you can ask someone to be your gay boyfriend! I think the most important thing is to be yourself. So first, are you or the other person a hopeless romantic or are you both quite chill? Here are some ideas but ideally come up with something that feels authentic and fitting to your special dynamic duo.

A classic way to ask someone to be your gay boyfriend is over a romantic dinner date. You could write a poem or a letter confessing your love and desire to be in a long term relationship.You could give them a romantic gift while asking. You could take them on a hike and ask them at the top of the mountain. All of these gestures are quite romantic and loving. 

If you are more of a chilled couple, you could ask while in bed together or over dinner at home. You could organize a cute picnic or ask them on a long car ride. You could ask them by spelling it out in Sriracha on their morning eggs (lol). It doesn’t have to be a big-grand-wild gesture, it just has to be you!

If you are worried about the exact wording, don’t fret. It can be as simple as, “Will you be my boyfriend?” But if you are looking for something a little more eloquent, you could talk about why you enjoy spending time together, harp on their amazing qualities and then confess your desire to be their boyfriend. Some other examples are: 

  •  “I think you are a cool, kind and special guy and I’ve been having a lot of fun with you, do you want to be my boyfriend?”
  • “I’m having a great time with you, do you think we should take it to the next level?” 
  • “It has been awesome having you in my life and I would like for you to be my boyfriend, how does that make you feel?    

If they say yes! OMG KISS ALREADY! Then take some time and talk about what it means to be boyfriends. Do you guys expect that you each will not be seeing anyone else in a sexual capacity or a dating capity or both? Do you expect each other to delete Grindr or other gay apps? Set your relationship up for success by talking about expectations up front. Be grounded and realistic in what you want and expect. Respect their boundaries and come to compromises when possible. 

If They Aren’t Ready

That’s ok! It’s normal for some people to need more time than others, especially people who have been hurt in the past. You can ask what they need (from you) in order to feel comfortable with a boyfriend. Is it something you can realistically provide? 

Waiting for the guy you are seeing to be ready to be in a relationship will show that you really care about them and that they are worth waiting for. This time will allow for a longer build-up that can lead to a strong base down the road, laying the groundwork for a healthy relationship.

If it is important for you to be in a serious relationship let them know that is what you are wanting. Tell them that you will wait for them for as long as it feels good to you. You might want to continue dating other people to be open to finding someone who wants a more long-term or serious relationship. Be honest and tell them you will wait for them for as long as it feels good and is within your boundaries. There might come a time when you cannot wait for them to be ready anymore and that is ok too. 


If you are looking to ask someone to be your gay boyfriend, we are so happy for you! This is such an exciting time in a relationship, where the connection is building and you are hoping to invest in the relationship with a verbal commitment to one another! 

First you should ask yourself is this a good time, do you feel ready, is there anything about this relationship that makes you worried or concerned? Are you trying to fix things by becoming more serious? Are you doing this for yourself or for others? 

Before you ask them to be your boyfriend, have conversations about what they are looking for in the relationship and what they are hoping to get out of the connection. If you are feeling solid about the relationship, know you are doing this for yourself and are excited about the next steps, then it’s time to ask!

At the right time, in a way that feels authentic for you – pop the question! Be present in the response and if they say yes OR no, talk about expectations and how you will move forward from there.

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